40 Days - Day 20

As I began to look through all these blog entries, I kept seeing this verse over and over again: James 1:2-4 says, “Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing” NLT.

As I looked through these entries and saw this verse, it reminded me of a time in my life where this verse meant the most to me. Here’s my story:

As most of you know, my mom was diagnosed with cancer in my 6th grade year. I began to stuff all of my emotions and pretend like God was in control of my life. I continued all throughout 6th and 7th grade year pretending like everything was okay, and I was a perfect little Christian girl. My answer to everyone’s “Are you okay?” and “How are you dealing with this?” was either “God is so good!” or “I’m relying on God all the time!” However, inside my heart was screaming “NO ALYSSA! TELL THEM THE TRUTH!” I just had no clue how to let everything go to God. I didn’t know how to give it over to Him and let Him deal with it.

In the middle of my 7th grade year, after my mom’s cancer was over, I went into a depression. I wouldn’t go to school, I would cry myself to sleep every night, and still I was pretending that everything was okay to everyone around me. I eventually was so overcome with fear that I had to sleep with someone every night. I started going to a counselor, and I didn’t listen to anything she would say because I thought she had no clue what I was dealing with. After awhile of all this, my parents begged me to go to school, and I did. I got little sleep every night, and I my health was showing it.

Finally, Christmas break came along, and it was time to go to Taylors, South Carolina, my hometown. We go there every year so it was no big deal. Two nights after we had arrived I saw Amanda writing in her journal and reading in her Bible. I had nothing else to do so I took out my notebook and my Bible and began to write:

God, I need your help. I’m so tired of dealing with this. Just give me something to let me know you are there.

Immediately after I had finished writing, I opened my Bible. A note card slid out of my Bible and landed on the floor. There, written on the note card was James 1:2-4 in my hand writing. I still, to this day, do not remember writing that verse down. From then on, my life was going all uphill. I began to trust God with everything I had, and that made all the difference in my life.

As Winter Retreat approaches, I believe that we should pray for those people. I think we should pray for those people who are struggling in their life, but they are just too scared to admit it. We are all struggling with this feeling of being alone or that God isn’t there, but I truly believe that if we all pray continuously for this Winter Retreat, all of us will finally realize that we aren’t alone.

Alyssa Baldwin