I felt strange at first, thinking about praying for something that I wouldn't even be attending or see any of the effects of, and for the first few weeks, I felt strange praying for Winter Retreat considering that I wasn't even going to be able to go myself. Since then I've realized that regardless, I'll still feel the repercussions of whatever happens there; I'll still be affected by those things. It's strange because lately I've faltered in more areas than I've ever faltered before, and I've slipped in all of these places in the past. Yet, now I'm slipping much more than I have before, and while before I had slipped in each of them separately, I now slip in each of them at the same time. It bothers me because all of it is coming right at a time when we should be at our highest, going into Winter Retreat. Frankly, I don't know what to think. I've spent so many nights praying for the best, praying about so many things, Winter Retreat included, and every piece of me wants to run in an entirely different direction. I don't know what this is. I don't know how to describe what this is. I look around at my friends and see the same things; some of my best friends, some of the people who I truly love and truly trust simply throwing their lives away, picking them up and throwing them out the window, and that hurts me more than I can put into words. It hurts me to know and to see that regardless of what I may say or what I may do they will persist to throw their things away. There's nothing that I can do but watch. My prayer has brought me one thing - these words: Don't Stop. So, I can only assume that there's a purpose and reason for whatever this is right now and all of the pain I'm going through. So much of me wants to simply withdraw and pull away, but the words given to me in my darkest hours have told me otherwise. I know that something big is going to happen this year at Winter Retreat; I can feel it, and I don't feel like I'm alone in this pain and suffering. I feel like there are many others, probably reading this right now who can relate, probably just solemnly nodding their heads along with this passage. Maybe I'm the only one who will come up front and tell people what my pains are, but we all have them. Still, I believe that we serve a God of Healing Graces; so my prayer this Winter Retreat is that whatever it is that you're going through, whatever issues, temptations, problems, failures, whatever pain that has been inflicted upon you, whether it's Satan, or as it so often is, just us beating ourselves up, that it may be healed.
“You see, Jesus didn't die just to take our sins away, He also said, 'Here, give me your worries too, I'll carry those too. Here, give me all of your pain, I'll carry that too.' Those things are simply too much for us to bear, and so Jesus came to offer to help us carry them.” -Nathan Oates
In His Great and Healing Love,
Jonathan V. Rarick
12.29.2007
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Thanks for putting yourself out there and admitting your struggles. I am praying for you! I truly desire healing for each student feeling the way you do. Our God is a God of healing! Surround yourself with people who will breathe life and speak truth. I know that is one of the crucial things that has helped me overcome times of struggles in the past. You are not alone! There are many of us willing to help - myself included. Thanks for all you do and for praying for everyone else headed to Winter Retreat!
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